Sin

So this week I've learned about the incredible power that sin has over me. In Philly, I learned so much about God's mercy and love. That has not escaped my head, but has actually been amplified to something so much more than "just" his love for me.

You see, God calls me to life a perfect life, but when I continually go against His will, Jesus comes in and says, "No, Father, punish me instead. He does not know what he is doing" on my behalf. So, when I screw up, someone else was flogged, beaten, tortured, betrayed, and ultimately murdered for ME. To be honest, that pisses me off. I want to own up to my own sin. Wouldn't that make me sin less? If instead of God punishing Jesus when I screw up, he punished me, would I not fear God more than I do if his only response to my sin is love?

I am so utterly lost in sin and I need God to bring me home. Tim Keller stresses the complete helplessness that I have in the fight against sin. I have absolutely no ability to fight temptation. Even when I successfully ward sin off, I am "proud" of myself for standing strong in God. What actually happened is that Jesus beat my sin. He took it from me. But why does that not happen more often? I get so frustrated with my hopelessness. I want to be able to DO SOMETHING. I don't like to admit that I am powerless.

So what I'm saying is that I've really been wrestling with being so deep into sin and no "practical" way out. It's an awful feeling that has no hope of getting better. I need to focus on the cross.

Pray for me.